It's All Greek To Me
by Swing Girl At Heart
Summary: Puck got a little more than he bargained for when he started dating Lauren, and it might just kill him.  Expect the Unexpected.
1. Chapter 1

****A/N: So, this is part of the _Expect The Unexpected_ series I'm working on, which is, frankly, exactly what it sounds like. As part of my everlasting quest to defy any and all possible cliches, something completely unfathomable occurs with one member of the Glee club in each fic of the series. The goal? To have each character (even Matt and Mike, poor underfed pups) put so far out of their league that they should be OUT of character, but still remain IN character. This is installment number eleven, but none of them are connected plot-wise, so there aren't any prequels you have to read for any of them. Some will be tragic, some scary, some mysterious, some humorous. Enough jabber - please enjoy!****

* * *

><p><em>It's All Greek To Me<em>

Puck had been planning on scamming some beer from the 7-11 down the street from his house when he spotted Lauren on the sidewalk up ahead, talking to some old dude he didn't recognize. A little worried that it might be Patches, the barking homeless man outside the Lima Public Library, Puck sped up and got ready to kick the crap out of the guy in case he was harassing her. As he got closer, though, he saw that this man stood much taller than Patches, and had much cleaner clothes than any homeless dude. His hair and beard were scruffy, though, and his suit looked like it had been dragged through a puddle and then dried hanging on a tree branch (Puck was pretty sure that Kurt would've had a conniption if he'd seen it). Once he was in earshot, he heard the two of them arguing.

"—can't believe you actually like it here," the man was saying. "Look at this place! It's a dump!"

"What, compared to the leaking roofs in your moldy house? I'd say this was a paradise," Lauren snapped, and by the tone in her voice Puck realized that this guy wasn't a stranger to her.

The man's eyes narrowed at her. "My house is fine."

"You have barnacles _in_ your bed. It's disgusting."

Puck wrinkled his nose. Where the hell did this guy live?

The bearded man smirked at her. "Well, just remember, you can back out any time."

Lauren scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Dream on, fish-brain."

"Uh, Lauren?" Puck finally said as he approached.

She jumped in surprise. "Oh. Hi. What are you doing here?"

"…This is my street."

"Right."

The man looked from Puck to Lauren and back again. "Ah, is this the boyfriend?"

"What's it to you?" Puck asked, wanting to sound threatening but not really knowing where the stranger stood with Lauren, so he kept his tone only vaguely searching. Damn, the things he did for that girl.

"Uh, this is my…uncle," Lauren said. "Donny."

Donny held his hand out. Puck shook it, and forced himself to hold back a grimace when he felt that the man's skin was sticky and damp. There were also flecks of green in his hair and beard.

Gross.

"Dite tells me that you're a musician," Donny said, narrowing his eyes slightly as if he was evaluating every tiny movement Puck made.

"…Who told you that?"

Donny let out a forced chuckle. "Sorry, that's my nickname for Lauren."

"Uh-huh…"

Donny raised his bushy eyebrows. "Well?"

"Oh, uh…yeah. I play guitar." Puck shrugged. "A little piano, too."

"Impressive," Donny said aloofly. "You should meet Lauren's brother Paul. He's quite the musician as well."

Puck turned to look at Lauren. "You have a brother?"

"Half-brother," Lauren corrected tightly. She shifted her weight to the other foot, obviously uncomfortable.

Donny grinned, enjoying his niece's embarrassment. "Actually, Noah, she has _eight_ half-siblings."

Puck stared at her in shock. Why hadn't she even mentioned them? Lauren's lips tightened as she glared at her uncle.

"Say, Dite," Donny continued. "Why don't you invite Noah to come to dinner tomorrow?" He turned to Puck. "Our family's having a little get-together at Breadsticks. A reunion, of sorts. I'm sure they'd all be pleased to meet you."

Puck was pretty sure that Donny's underlying tone was saying _we all just want to see if you'll live up to our impossible standards, and if not, make you squirm._

"Uh, yeah. Sure thing," he said, curious as to whom Lauren was related and why she'd never talked about them.

Lauren, on the other hand, looked a little panicked, which was an unusual expression to see on her face and didn't suit her at all.

"Excellent," Donny said. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. _So_ nice meeting you." He turned to his niece. "Remember, Dite – you can always admit defeat."

Lauren scoffed and rolled her eyes, the panicked expression vanishing. "As if."

Donny shrugged, his suit hanging limply on his shoulders. "All right, then. So long." And with that, he slid into the Chrysler Seabring parked by the curb, revved the engine, and drove off.

Lauren visibly relaxed once he had turned the corner. "You don't have to come to this thing, you know," she said.

Puck shrugged. "I want to."

"Why? You hate stuff like this."

Puck ignored the question and asked one of his own. "Why'd you never talk about your family before?"

Lauren sighed, crossing her arms. "I don't like talking about them, okay? I have a big family, and they're all assholes."

"And you think _I_ wouldn't get that?" Puck countered. "Lauren, my dad's a deadbeat and my mom's a drunk."

She sighed again, clearly under stress. "Look, it's hard to explain, okay?" She shook her head. "You know what, Puck, it's probably better that you just don't come."

"What? No, I want to. Why, are you, like, ashamed of me or something?"

"I'd be ashamed if you were some wimpy nerd or something like that. Trust me, though, being with my family is _not_ fun."

"Yeah, well, I like challenges."

Lauren couldn't help but crack a grin at that. "Okay, fine. Just…if you're gonna come tomorrow, there's a few ground rules we have to lay down."

Puck thought for a second. Her relatives couldn't be so much worse than his, could they? "Yeah, okay. Sure."

"Okay, first things first," Lauren said, turning to walk with him towards the 7-11, her arm linked with his. "Never – and I mean _never_ – insult any one of them. It's a bad idea, and it'll just get you into trouble for the rest of your life. You don't want it."

"That sounds easy enough."

"Well, you'd be surprised at what some of them consider insulting. Don't make bets with them, don't challenge them – _nothing_. Got it?"

Puck nodded. "Yeah, sure. Are they mob bosses?"

"I wish," Lauren snorted. "The second thing you have to remember is to watch out for three people in particular – my brother Reese, my uncle Hector, and my dad. They're _way_ more temperamental than the rest."

"Are you sure they're not mob bosses? 'Cause it seriously wouldn't surprise me if your family were Mafia."

She smirked. "We're not Italian."

* * *

><p>When Puck pulled into the parking lot at Breadsticks the next evening, Lauren had been silent for the entire drive. "Are you okay?" he asked, resting his hands on the steering wheel.<p>

She pursed her lips, twisting her fingers in her lap. "I just think this is a really bad idea."

"Okay, _what_ is so bad about your family that I shouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole?"

"Never mind. Let's just get this over with. And remember the rules," Lauren said as she clambered out of the cab. "Seriously, they're important. Your life might depend on them."

Puck snickered. "Let me guess: they're all members of the CIA and if they know I know, they'll have to kill me."

"Very funny," Lauren said, not even cracking a smile. Something about this dinner had her seriously spooked.

Remembering that she'd told him that her relatives could always be watching him, Puck was careful to open the door to the restaurant for her in case they were already there. He was right – Lauren led him to a large circular table where there were eight other people already seated, with several chairs left unoccupied. One of them was Lauren's uncle Donny, wearing a different suit tonight but still looking as if he'd gone swimming in it.

"Ah, Noah! Dite!" Donny greeted them with a falsely hospitable tone. "Please, sit down."

Puck managed to remember to pull out Lauren's chair for her. If he kept up this polite façade, he was either going to bust or make up for it later by having a street race or possibly robbing a convenience store.

"Everyone, this is…Noah," Lauren said, halting before deciding to use his real name.

A few muttered hellos were exchanged, and then a fidgety man who looked to be about twenty pulled a pocket watch out of his shirt pocket, clicking it open and saying to Lauren, "I hope you know that you're exactly seven minutes late, Dite."

Lauren rolled her eyes. "No one cares, Herman. You seriously need to start working through your OCD, because it's getting on my nerves."

Herman pursed his lips. "Well, _some_ of us happen to run on a very tight schedule! I _have_ to be organized."

Puck watched the exchange between Lauren and Herman with curiosity before looking around at the rest of her relatives. He and Lauren seemed to be the youngest at the table, besides a pair of twins sitting next to Uncle Donny. The twins, a boy and a girl, shared identical facial features, but were dressed as complete opposites. The boy was wearing a simple combination of a Nirvana t-shirt and jeans, and his sandy hair was longish and shaggy. Puck liked him. The girl, on the other hand, reminded him somewhat of Rachel. Her clothes were perfectly pressed and her expression made it clear that she was something of a prude. He got the feeling that she could be dangerous if she wanted to, though.

Next to the girl sat a haughty-looking man with a silver stud in one ear and muscles that made Puck look like a stick figure. His hair was cut in a military buzz and he didn't look as if he'd smiled once in his entire life. Puck wondered if he was one of the three people Lauren had told him to watch out for.

Beside him was the fidgety Herman, who was repeatedly glancing back and forth between his pocket watch and the door. "The others are late. They're late," he kept saying. Everyone else seemed to be ignoring him though, so Puck guessed that it had to be a regular habit.

On Donny's left was seated a man who actually looked like a Mafia boss – his suit had to be designed by some person only Kurt would've heard of, and his sleek black hair was combed back, a thin goatee and mustache adding to the villainous effect. His eyes narrowed at Puck.

A red-faced man in his mid-thirties sitting on their other side was so absorbed in his glass of wine that he didn't seem to notice they were there. Lauren slapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Dennis. Care to say hello?"

He looked up, a little bleary-eyed, said, "Oh. Yes. Indeed," and promptly went back to smelling his wine. "This restaurant can't be all that good if they serve this hog slop," he commented bitterly.

"My mom says that Breadsticks has the best wine in the county," Puck ventured.

Dennis looked up again, appearing as if the movement took a great effort on his part. "Does she, now?"

Lauren squeezed Puck's hand in warning under the table. Seriously? Did this count as an insult?

Dennis was still talking. "This may very well be the best wine in the county, but wine-making takes skill, time, patience, and above all, good grapes. None of which exist in Ohio. The grapes also cannot be imported, or their taste becomes weakened and therefore the wine is weakened. And _this_—" He swirled the wine around in his glass for emphasis. "—_this_ is practically water."

Puck simply nodded in agreement, thrown off by Dennis' condescending tone over such a trivial point of conversation and not sure how else to respond.

"So, Noah," a bearded man across the table started. He had graying hair and his clothes were neat, but his face was as weathered as a sea captain's. "What exactly are your intentions for my daughter?"

"Oh, come on, Dad!" Lauren protested.

If Puck had been drinking, he probably would have choked. This was not the first question he'd imagined Lauren's father asking him. "Well, uh… I guess… we're just taking it slow?" He hoped that answer was the one Mr. Zizes had been looking for.

"There's no need for intimidation, brother," Donny said to Lauren's father. Puck couldn't quite tell if 'brother' was just friendly slang or if they were really brothers, but they did look a little alike and Donny didn't seem like the type to use slang. Oh yeah, and Donny was Lauren's uncle. Duh.

"I was just asking a question," said Lauren's dad. Puck wondered why Lauren had told him to watch out for this guy – he didn't seem threatening in the least, aside from the obvious I'm-dating-your-daughter factor. Still, if Lauren was uncomfortable enough to warn him, then he should probably follow her advice.

Man, he was turning into such a sap.

"I hope you two haven't done it already," piped up the prudish female twin.

"Missy!" snapped Herman.

Lauren rolled her eyes. "You know what, just because you're… intact, it doesn't mean the rest of us have to be."

"Yeah, and how has your track record of promiscuity worked out for you?" Missy sneered. Puck seriously had to introduce this girl to Rachel.

"Well, for starters, I have a life," Lauren retorted. "The only friend you've got is Paul." She gestured curtly to the twin boy.

Missy only glared at the menu in response. "They'd better have venison here."

"This is _Ohio_," Paul said dryly.

Herman snuck another peek at his watch. "_What_ is taking them so long?"

"Would you just shut the hell up, Herman?" the muscled man with the military buzz snarled as the waitress arrived with their drinks. She was so startled by his tone that she nearly dropped the tray, but managed to keep it on her hand.

"Leave Herman alone, Reese," Lauren's dad said. (_No wonder Lauren told me to watch out for Reese – he makes me look like a midget!_ Puck thought.) "It isn't his fault he's got an… organizational deficit."

"I beg your pardon!" Herman yelped.

"Deficit?" Reese grunted, his enormous arms crossed over his chest. "More like _mental illness_."

"C-can I get your order?" the waitress squeaked.

All eyes suddenly fell on Puck.

Slightly confused but trying not to make it too obvious, Puck ordered a coke and a plate of spaghetti. "And what'll you all have?" the waitress asked once Puck was finished.

"Nothing," said Lauren's father. "We're fine."

"You just want to stick with the drinks?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Okay, then." The waitress gave them a bewildered look and then disappeared into the kitchen.

"You're not having anything?" Puck asked his girlfriend. She just shook her head.

"She's on a _diet_," Reese grinned.

"Shut up," she said.

Puck bristled. Family or no, he didn't like people dissing his girl. However, he still held himself in check (which was getting harder and harder), since he knew that Lauren hated it when he came to her defense and he was still wary of Reese.

The man who looked like a Mafia boss, who up until now had remained completely silent, finally spoke. "You know, Dite, if you stay that way for much longer, you're going to give yourself a heart attack," he said smoothly. The tiniest hint of a cruel smile passed over his face. Puck's fists curled underneath the table.

"Oh, please," Lauren snapped. "You know that'll never happen." She smirked. "_Haddie_," she added.

The man's smile vanished and his eyes seemed to turn black, but Puck figured that it was just a trick of the light (and speaking of light, was it suddenly darker in the restaurant?). "That is _not_ my name," he said lowly.

Lauren only looked pleased with herself in response.

The light tension in the air dissipated (sort of) when four more people – a man and three women – entered the restaurant and joined them at their table. The women were all incredibly gorgeous, but they were haughty-looking and cruel. The man was walking strangely, as if he had an early-stage muscular disorder, and he was far uglier than any of Lauren's other relatives. Before he sat down, he gave Lauren a kiss on the head, which made her stiffen, and said, "Hello, sweetheart."

"Hey, Harvey," she said tightly.

"So," he said to Puck as he eased into a chair. "You must be Noah."

"Yup." Puck couldn't tell if this guy's tone was falsely polite or if he were actually glad to meet him.

"What does a woman have to do to get some wine around here?" one of the haughty-looking women snapped.

"Don't bother," Dennis sighed miserably, dumping the rest of his wine into the untouched water pitcher. "The wine is terrible."

"I don't care," she said, glaring at him. "If it's got alcohol in it, I want it."

Lauren's father decided to cut in here. "Now, Helen—"

"_Don't_ call me that, Zach!" she barked, her eyes flashing. "It's either Harriet, my dear, or ma'am."

Zach sighed. "Fine. _Harriet,_" he emphasized. "You know that alcohol only makes you more irritable."

"That's true," said the second scornful woman, flipping her thick, light brown hair over her shoulder. A pink peony was tucked behind her ear. "Yesterday she had too much of Dennis' special brew and crashed a wedding in Columbus."

The third woman snickered. She wore a pair of heavy silver earrings in the shape of owls. "And she tried to convince the groom that she was the bride's long-lost twin sister and that he was really in love with her. The poor man was terrified."

Harriet harrumphed.

Puck was now more confused than ever. He leaned over and whispered to Lauren, "What's wrong with being called Helen?"

"Helen's the name of this chick that Harriet really hates," Lauren summarized. "We just call her that to bug her."

Puck honestly didn't understand why these people were so bent on being at each other's throats all the time, but he was distracted from trying to figure it out when the waitress returned with his food.

"Some of your best raki," Harriet demanded.

The waitress swallowed. "I'm sorry?"

"Raki, child," Harriet said, as if the waitress was supposed to know what that was. She huffed. "Fine, no raki. White wine, then."

"Harriet—" Zach started, but Harriet whipped up a hand and cut him off with a sharp, "Don't." She then turned to Puck, which made him a little bit uncomfortable. This woman was even harsher than his mother. "So, when do you intend to marry?"

This time, Puck did choke on his drink. "What?" he coughed.

"Well, you're dating my stepdaughter, so I'm assuming that once she gets her divorce finalized, you two will be joined in what I suppose they call 'holy matrimony'."

"Harriet!" Lauren complained.

Puck was even more stunned, if that was possible. "You're _married?_"

Lauren hid her face in her hands, letting out a growl of frustration. "This is exactly why I didn't want you to come to this thing," she said.

Puck shook his head, stumped. "To _who?_"

Harvey, of all people, raised his hand. "Hiya," he said casually.

Puck's jaw dropped of its own accord. Maybe Jacob Ben Israel had been right – maybe Lauren _did_ keep his balls in a jar somewhere and he'd just been too smitten to see it.

Harriet frowned deeply. "Am I to understand that you two are just having a simple affair?"

"It's none of your business!" Lauren retorted.

"I think my stepdaughter's affairs _are_ my business, Dite!"

"Well, either way, I really don't give a crap if I have your approval or not."

Zach butted in with, "Dite, you really should consider the repercussions of having an affair."

Lauren scoffed. "You're one to talk. You've fathered a hundred and sixteen children, and only five of them with your wife!"

Puck choked on his drink again. He didn't think he could handle a hundred and fifteen half-siblings if they were all this disagreeable.

Zach's eyes darkened. "Don't test me, daughter."

Lauren rolled her eyes. "What are you gonna do? Make an indoor thunderstorm?"

Now Puck was _really_ befuddled.

"I might," said Zach evenly.

"You're such a hypocrite," Lauren snapped. "You _all_ are. Preaching about fidelity and maturity when all you ever do is fight and sleep with people you're not married to!"

"I don't," said Missy.

"Neither do I," added Harvey.

"Nor I," Harriet cut in. "The only child I've had without the help of my husband was Harvey, and I made him all on my own."

Puck frowned, trying to wrap his brain around what Harriet had just said.

"Yeah, and look how I turned out." Harvey gestured to his disfigured face with a grin.

"It is not my fault that you look the way you do."

"It is if you made me all on your own," Harvey countered, more amused than anything else. "Not to mention the fact that you threw me off a mountain, so it's _definitely_ your fault that I can't walk properly."

"Burrrrrrrn," said Paul.

Puck decided that from this point on, he wasn't going to say anything and he would just watch this unfold.

"And either way," Lauren continued, "there's no way you can actually prove that I'm your kid. I might be your aunt."

Puck gave his head a shake. There was _no way_ Lauren was that old.

"Regardless of how you could be related to me, I am your father _figure_," Zach insisted.

Lauren rolled her eyes for the thousandth time. "You didn't even meet me until I was an adult."

"And that's my fault, Dite? You were born full-grown, just like Thea." He gestured to the third haughty-looking woman that had joined the table most recently.

Thea smirked at Lauren. "Full-grown in more ways than one," she sneered.

Puck lurched to his feet. "All right, that is _it_. I am one second away from kicking your ass and anyone else's who wants to make fun of my girlfriend."

"Puck!" Lauren hissed, tugging on his sleeve. He ignored her.

Thea only smiled very slightly. "You really want to try to kick my ass, boy?" she said evenly.

"Hell yeah."

"Puck!" Lauren tried again to get him to sit down.

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear," Herman muttered, looking back and forth between Puck and Thea with wide eyes.

"Fine," said Thea. "Have it your way, _mortal_."

"Huh?"

Rather than clarifying, however, Thea suddenly began to change before Puck's eyes. He briefly heard Hector mutter "Oh, bloody hell" off to the side as Thea grew taller and taller and taller. As she grew, her clothes ripped and fell to the ground in shreds, revealing only white cloth draped around her and fastened with a belt around the waist and a pin at the shoulder. The headband that had been holding Thea's hair back transformed from a simple band of plastic into a large bronzed helmet with a horsehair plume.

"What. The. Fuck."

Thea was now standing sixteen feet tall, her eyes literally _glowing_. She was garbed in an ancient Greek-style toga and holding a spear that matched her size.

Lauren sighed. "I told you not to challenge anyone."

"_Do you still wish to take me on in battle, boy?_" Thea's voice boomed. The rest of Lauren's relatives were watching with less-than-concerned expressions, and Puck was too busy trying to process what he was seeing to answer.

"_Very well,_" said Thea. "_You shall be the latest in a long line of mortals who have challenged the Goddess Athena, only to be sent to Hell's Gate._"

At that, Puck finally lost it. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

Hector downed the rest of his wine in one gulp and stood up, calmly heading for the door. "Best of luck, boy. I'll be seeing you soon in the Underworld."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Please leave a review, and see if you can guess exactly what is going on (who Lauren is and why she and her family are hanging out in Lima Ohio).**


	2. Chapter 2

_It's All Greek To Me_

Puck was honestly not sure which was more disturbing – the fact that Thea had suddenly transformed into a sixteen-foot-tall warrior woman with laser eyes or the fact that no one else in the restaurant seemed to notice that anything unusual was happening.

Thea was staring down at him and clutching her spear threateningly. "_Answer me, mortal!_" she demanded, her voice reverberating through Puck's bones.

"What?" was the only word he managed to get out through his shock and confusion.

"Come on, Athena!" Lauren protested, standing up beside him. "Do you have to do this in public?"

"_I don't believe I was speaking to you_." Athena turned her glowing (holy shit) eyes back to Puck. "_Well? Are you prepared to take me on in battle?_"

Puck clenched his jaw. "Yes," he said.

"Puck!" Lauren cried.

Thea/Athena smiled. "_We shall meet at the arena at first light the day after tomorrow._"

"Uh…where?"

But rather than answer, Athena disintegrated into mist, and vanished.

Puck looked back to the rest of Lauren's relatives with a newfound nervousness and confusion to match. Most of them were getting up and leaving, completely at ease with…whatever had just happened. Missy was smirking at Puck in a way that made him wonder just how deep in shit he really was, but the rest were pretty much ignoring him. After a minute or so, Donny approached them.

"That was a mistake on your part, Noah," he said calmly. "A mortal taking on the goddess of war strategy?" He shook his head and _tsk_ed.

"Who are you?" Puck asked.

"Poseidon, the god of the sea. At your service. But not really."

…Well, that explained the supposed barnacles in his bed.

"I'm going to help you."

"Wait, what?" Puck and Lauren said in unison.

Donny smiled, his beard twitching. "I've always liked you, Dite," he said. "I know I may not act like it, but I really do almost think of you like a daughter. This is the first time that I've seen you with someone you actually seem to like."

"But…don't you want to win the bet?"

"I've already lost," Donny said with a wink. He turned and headed for the door. "Both of you, meet me at your school's football field first thing tomorrow morning."

Puck shook his head, his mind still boggled by everything that had gone down in the last… was it really only twenty minutes?

Lauren sighed. "Come on. You should sleep before tomorrow."

"Why?"

"When he says 'first thing', he literally means the crack of dawn."

"Oh." Puck was less concerned with having to get up early than he was with something that Lauren had said earlier. "What was the bet you were talking about?"

Lauren avoided looking at him as they exited the restaurant. "Uh…well…the reason that I'm here in the first place was that Donny and I got into a bit of an argument, and we made a bet that I could still get someone to fall in love with me even if I…wasn't myself."

"I don't get it."

"If I wasn't attractive," she clarified. "And before you argue with that, I know that _you_ think I'm sexy, and frankly, I agree with you, but the fact is that when I look like this, most people don't."

"That's stupid."

Lauren shrugged.

"So…you're really the goddess of love?"

"Yeah." She grinned, her eyes glinting for a second. "Hey, does me being thousands of years old make me a pedophile if you're still a minor?"

"Probably," Puck said as they reached his truck. "Hey, so, um… can I see what you really look like?"

Lauren stared at him for a moment, as if she was trying to decide whether or not it was a good idea, but then she began to change in the same way Thea had. In only a few seconds, she was sixteen feet tall, wearing only a flowing Greek-style toga, and no longer overweight. Her face still looked like Lauren, but her high cheekbones were much more prominent and her chin more defined. Her hair was the same color as before, but it had turned to wavy locks reaching down to her waist, and was laced with strings of tiny pearls. The belt encircling her rounded hips was embroidered with scallop shells and other smaller ocean treasures. She looked…delicate.

"Don't smite me or anything, but I like the old Lauren better."

* * *

><p>"Get your ass out of bed, Puckerman. Time to start the real work."<p>

Puck groaned and pulled his pillow over his head, only to have it yanked out of his fingers. "Puck!" Lauren's voice snapped. "Get up. Now."

"Why?" he whined, still keeping his eyes closed.

"We were supposed to meet Donny at the football field five minutes ago. Gods shouldn't be kept waiting. Come _on_!" She slapped his butt for emphasis.

"You can keep doing that," he mumbled.

"Okay, that's it." Suddenly, Puck was dragged effortlessly out of bed and dropped onto the floor.

"_Ow!_" he complained, finally wide awake. "Lauren, it's still dark out. And how did you get in here, anyways?"

"I'm a goddess, Puck," she deadpanned. "Now get dressed, because we have to meet Donny."

Finally, Puck dragged himself to his feet and pulled on his usual jeans, t-shirt, and flannel button-down left open, but Lauren stopped him. "You might want to wear work-out clothes," she said. "I don't know what Donny's got planned, but it probably involves vigorous exercise."

Puck grumbled, but switched to gym shorts and a wife beater. It was way too early to be up.

Fifteen minutes later, as the sky overhead was just turning a rosy pinkish hue, Lauren and Puck walked onto the football field at McKinley. Donny was waiting for them in the middle of the field.

"Good morning, Noah," he said.

Puck only grunted in response, still unhappy to be awake.

"Now, Dite is going to help you as well during the fight, but you also have to be able to move quickly and think on your feet. Athena isn't Ares – she's goddess of war _strategy_. She uses her brain, which, trust me, is a lot more powerful than yours. She's going to play dirty," Donny explained. "So, you'll have to trick her."

Puck frowned. "How exactly do I trick a god?"

Donny grinned. "Exactly."

* * *

><p>"<em>Come on, Puckerman!<em>" Lauren/Aphrodite called from down the field, her voice easily carrying through the air. She was in her full, sixteen-foot-tall body, armed with a large spear and not even appearing the least bit tired from their day's work. It was already noon, and Puck didn't think he'd ever been this exhausted.

"_Get a move on, boy!_" Donny/Poseidon shouted from the sidelines, also in his god-form. He held a trident that was even taller than he was.

Puck growled under his breath, clutching his human-sized spear (conjured out of thin air by Poseidon) with blistered palms and trying to think of the best attack. But he was _tired_ and he hadn't even eaten since they were at Breadsticks the night before. The last time he'd asked for a lunch break, Donny had simply stated that Theseus, Heracles, and Bellerophon had not been allowed lunch breaks.

_Whoever they were_, Puck thought snappishly.

Puck glanced at the sky, twisting his spear in his hands. It looked like it was going to rain.

"_Puck!_" Aphrodite yelled, pounding the butt of her spear into the ground to get his attention (the soil shook under his feet from the impact, despite the fact that she was standing sixty yards away).

He took a deep breath and, forcing energy into his aching muscles, began to run forward. Aphrodite only stood still until he was a few yards away, and then swiped the blunt end of her spear under his feet, flipping him over like a pancake. He lay on his back, trying to get his lungs to open after the wind had been knocked out of them, as his gigantic and somewhat terrifying girlfriend leaned on her spear and smirked down at him. "You can't keep using the same approach," she told him. "It's way too predictable, and Athena will kill you right off the bat. She's not going to give you a second chance."

"Well, I never had years and years of Spartan combat practice, so give me a break," Puck spat, almost at the end of his rope. There was only so far a mortal could push himself.

"You need to get her helmet," Poseidon said as he came up to stand beside his niece. "Once you have it, it will protect you and you can move in for the strike."

Puck pulled himself to his feet with his spear, brushing the dirt off his arms. "So, you want me to grab a gigantic metal hat off the head of a sixteen-foot-tall woman who could easily turn me into a cockroach."

Aphrodite chuckled. "Cockroach, no. Spider, maybe. And yeah, that's what you have to do."

"Okay, why aren't you worried that someone will see us?" Puck asked.

She shrugged. "Mortals see what they want to see."

Poseidon appeared deep in thought for a moment. "I don't think Noah's going to win this one," he said. Then he smiled. "At least, not without power."

"Huh?"

"It's possible that I could temporarily transfer some of my powers to you," the sea god explained. "I wouldn't offer if you'd been trained as a soldier or if you had more than a day to prepare, but I think desperate times call for desperate measures."

Puck's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I didn't know you were allowed to do that."

"Gods are gods, Noah. We do want we want. It certainly wouldn't be the first time a god pitched in to try to rig a fight. Now hold still."

Poseidon raised his trident, pointing the middle barb straight at Puck's forehead (which was more than a little intimidating), and then began to speak in what Puck assumed was Ancient Greek. Tiny bolts of electricity began to jump back and forth between the prongs of the god's trident, and suddenly Puck was blasted backwards, flying through the air and slamming into the ground almost fifteen feet away from where he'd been standing.

Aphrodite knelt over him as his lungs struggled to expand. "You all right, Puckerman?"

"…_OW_," Puck wheezed, trying to roll over and push himself onto his knees (and failing miserably).

When his ribs were finally opening normally again, Puck stood up, feeling a little light-headed. Every nerve in his body felt like it was charged with static, and the tips of his fingers were prickling.

Poseidon glanced up at the clouds that were beginning to darken as a few raindrops began to dot the grass around their feet. "Hm. It's not salt water, but it'll do," he said. "Try to change its direction."

"…uh…"

"The rain, boy. Change its path."

Puck had absolutely no clue how to go about doing so, but he figured that it was probably in his best interests to give it a shot. He tried to focus his mind on the rain now falling steadily over the field, and feel the static buzzing in his cells. The rain continued to fall normally, soaking into his clothes (both Poseidon and Aphrodite remained dry).

Suddenly, Puck was hit on the top of his skull with something hard. "Ow!" he yelped, rubbing his head. He looked down to see a golf-ball-sized chunk of ice just as another struck him on the shoulder. "Where are these coming from?"

"You froze the rain rather than directing it," Poseidon explained. "You're not used to your abilities. Give it another try."

Three more times, Puck created hail, and then on his fourth attempt, he was pelted with boiling water that left several scalds on his exposed shoulders.

"God damn it!" he yelled, rubbing his raw skin. "How much longer do we have to do this for?"

"Perhaps a different approach is in order," Poseidon said. "Try using the earth to your advantage."

"What?" Puck asked, completely exasperated.

"I am also the god of earthquakes, Noah."

…Okay, he had to admit that was badass.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Please leave a review! Next up, the epic battle!  
><strong>

**I wanted to actually write what Poseidon said in Ancient Greek, but I only speak Modern Greek and I didn't want to use a translator. I also used the original form of Hercules, which is Heracles, or as the Greeks pronounce it, Iracles.  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for the delay; I was, ironically, in Greece.**

* * *

><p><em>It's All Greek To Me<em>

Despite the fact that every source in the region for weather forecasting had predicted clear sunny skies, the next day dawned damp and stormy, and Puck had a feeling that either Lauren's father or uncle had something to do with it. Again, Lauren had appeared in his bedroom to wake him up at an ungodly (no pun intended) hour, dragging him out of the warm haven of his bed and into the unusually chilly air outside.

"Please don't tell me we have another practice session," Puck complained as he trudged behind his girlfriend.

She shook her head, her knit red hat shifting a little as her hair moved. "Nah, we need to keep your strength up. I'm taking you to Denny's."

Puck was so happy that he wouldn't have to endure another rigorous morning of training without being allowed to eat, he could have kissed her, and he would have if she hadn't been striding along the sidewalk five feet ahead of him.

It wasn't until they slid into a booth at Denny's and the thick fragrance of greasy sausages, moist pancakes, sizzling bacon, fried eggs, and buttery toast clogged his nose and mouth that Puck realized just how _ravenous _he was, and his stomach rumbled loudly to prove it. When the waiter came to give them their menus, Lauren immediately ordered an obscene amount of food that would have fed at least four people before the menus were even set on the table. Once he'd finished writing her order on his notepad, the waiter looked at her askance.

"Are you... waiting for others?" he asked.

"No, it's all for him," Lauren replied, casually nodding her head in Puck's direction.

The waiter left to give their order to the cook, but not before turning his bewildered and slightly grossed-out expression on Puck.

"...You know I'm not gonna be able to eat all that, right?" Puck said once the waiter was gone.

"Yeah, you are," Lauren stated matter-of-factly, as if how far Puck's stomach could stretch was a commonly known point of trivia. "Look, my uncle transferred some of his powers to you yesterday, remember?"

Puck quirked an eyebrow. "Is that really a question? You're asking me if I remember a gigantic dude wrapped in a sheet zapping me with his Spear of Freakishness-"

"Okay, shut up," Lauren snapped. "And he carries a trident, not a spear."

"Trident's a kind of gum."

"I'm not even going to bother correcting that one. Anyways, having those powers drains a ridiculous amount of energy, so you have to eat maybe seven to ten times the normal daily amount of food for a human."

"But...why?"

"If you don't keep your batteries charged, you could spontaneously combust. Literally."

Puck blinked. "And _neither_ of you thought to warn me about that?"

Lauren shrugged, not at all concerned by the fact that her boyfriend was potentially explosive. "It's not like you're going to have these abilities permanently. It's just until you either defeat my sister, or she kills you."

"Oh. Awesome," Puck said dryly. "And if she kills me?"

"Then I'll have Persephone make sure you get a good spot in the Underworld."

"That's not exactly helping, Zizes."

Lauren rolled her eyes as she picked a tiny piece of dirt out from under her thumbnail. "Relax, Puckerman. You'll be fine. You might be facing down an Olympic goddess, but you've got three more of us helping you directly, and a bunch of others who just want to see Athena lose a fight."

Puck huffed through his nose, but didn't respond until her words had fully sunk in. "Wait, three of you? Who?"

She counted off on her fingers. "Me, my uncle, and my dad."

"Your dad's helping me?"

"Uh, yeah. Wouldn't exactly be useful for you to be able to control water if there's no water."

Puck relaxed a little, glancing at the storm clouds brewing over the treetops outside. The previous afternoon, once the Spartan training session had ended, Lauren had forced him into an impromptu lesson on Greek mythology. Not much of what she'd said had stuck, but he did remember that her father was known as the King of the Gods for a reason, and he supposed that it was probably an advantage in the upcoming fight to have two of the most powerful gods on his side.

His train of thought was derailed when the waiter arrived with their food, his face still wearing the bewildered expression he'd left with. "Enjoy," he said tightly as he turned to go, and Puck was pretty sure that the waiter was debating whether or not to film him eating and then post it on YouTube.

By the end of the hour, every plate on the table was empty, and Puck ordered seconds, which made the waiter's eyes widen in astonishment and not-so-subtly glance at the table, as if he was looking for a secret trap door where Puck was dropping the food he'd supposedly eaten. "A-and do you want anything?" the waiter stammered to Lauren, even more confused by the fact that she hadn't eaten at all when, judging by her physique, she clearly ingested a lot more calories than her boyfriend.

Puck was able to finish more than half of the second round of food by himself, and then he sat back, a little stunned by the fact that his stomach was apparently filled with super-acid. Either that or he had an intestinal worm. A _really_ big one.

Finally, with Puck's stomach rapidly breaking down the Olympus-sized mountain of food he'd inhaled, Lauren paid the bill with a few ancient Greek drachmas shoved into the waiter's hand.

The befuddled waiter, who at this point was most likely wondering if he was dreaming, glanced nervously back and forth between the gold coins in his palm and the odd girl who'd given them to him. "Um...these aren't..."

"There a problem?" Lauren asked, her tone both casual and cold at the same time (she seriously had to teach Puck how to talk like that).

The waiter gulped and shoved the coins into the back pocket of his jeans. "Uh, no. No. Not at all."

"Good." Lauren quirked an innocent-but-slightly-freaky smile and then turned to leave with Puck, but stopped and turned back. "Oh, and Eric, is it?"

The waiter glanced down at his nametag. "Uh, yeah."

"Sorry, but Amanda? She's cheating on you with Joey from the Lima Bean."

With that, Lauren and Puck exited the restaurant, leaving Eric standing in the middle of the floor with his jaw dropped, pinching his arm as hard as he could.

* * *

><p>When the two of them finally arrived at the "arena" Athena had mentioned (really just the McKinley football field with a wide circle of marble Ionian columns where there had been only open space the day before), they found Donny waiting for them at the edge of the field. He gave Puck a hearty clap on the shoulder that made Puck's teeth rattle. "Remember, boy - get her helmet, then unleash the fury of Ares on her," Donny said with a toothy grin, his black eyes twinkling.<p>

Flanked by his girlfriend and her uncle, Puck headed for the column ring. The clouds overhead had picked up speed and were rolling across the sky like ocean waves, the wind spiraling down and buffeting as they walked, and thunder rumbled in the distance, confirming Puck's prediction that he would have to fight in the rain.

Grouped by the columns were several sixteen-foot-tall people, all in ancient Greek attire and a few of them holding spears or similar symbols of power. Some of them Puck recognized immediately from the night at the restaurant, as their god-forms weren't so drastically different from their human selves, while others required a second or third look. It took Puck nearly half a minute to realize that the enormous and fully-developed blonde woman with the hunting bow strapped to her back was in fact the tiny and prudish Missy that he'd met at Breadsticks, and that the lean but muscular man in the short toga standing beside her was Paul (even in god-form, they were identical). There were also a handful of people that Puck had never seen before, but he knew that they were all gods and goddesses just by their sheer size. It had been a long time since Puck had last felt short, but here in the shadows of the twenty-odd giants, he felt as small as a bug, and the knowledge that any one of said giants could squash him like one only served to make him feel even more so. He glanced behind him to see that he hadn't been followed by Lauren and Donny, but rather Aphrodite and Poseidon.

"You're late again, Dite," said the fidgety giant who was hovering a few feet off the ground, since, Puck noticed, there were tiny fluttering wings sprouting from his leather sandals.

"Dammit, Hermes, give it a rest already," Lauren/Aphrodite snapped, making the smaller god flinch and float a few yards away. "Hold on," she said a few seconds later to no one in particular. "What is _she_ doing here?"

Puck followed her gaze to a goddess he hadn't noticed before, a woman who was considerably shorter and more odd-looking that any of her other relatives. At only eleven feet, she was dwarfed by her kin but still towered over Puck, and her short hair, dark brown with prominent streaks of blonde and bright ginger, was cut at several different lengths and stuck out every which way in a chaotic imitation of a bramble bush. He face was shrew-like and her eyes beady but bright green, her grin sinister and her teeth slightly pointed and crooked. She continuously shifted from foot to foot in a shuffling dance like a Doberman pulling at its chain. Upon hearing Aphrodite's question, she decided to answer it herself and turned her green gaze on the love goddess.

"You know I never miss a conflict if I can help it," she smiled. Her voice was honeyed but also rough, as if she'd been chain smoking for the past thousand years or so.

Aphrodite's lip curled. "Whatever. Just don't throw any golden apples into the ring. We aren't going to fall for that crap again."

The shorter goddess chuckled and grinned even wider, and Puck was pretty sure that not even divine beings were supposed to have that many teeth. "Of course not," she purred. "You're much too smart for that." Before Aphrodite could voice a retort, the pointy-toothed woman abruptly turned her attention on Puck. "So you're Aphrodite's hero," he said, her smile stretching and her eyes darkening from bright green to a glittering obsidian. "Noah's a Biblical name, isn't it? Damn new-age religions. You can blame Jesus for the ruin of the Parthenon, not to mention the ruin of everything else with any value."

Aphrodite butted in again. "You're one to talk, Miss I-Caused-The-Trojan-War-And-Bragged-About-It-For-Millenia. Excuse us." She pulled Puck towards the column ring, Poseidon walking along with them. As they left, the strange-looking woman continued to watch Puck with a wide sharkish grin, her eyes blooming from black to piercing ice blue in the space of a single blink.

"Who was that?" Puck asked once she was out of earshot.

"That would be Eris, goddess of strife, chaos, and discord," Poseidon said distastefully. "A minor goddess, yet quite powerful by minor god standards. How she gained so much influence, I'll never know."

"Anyways," Aphrodite cut in pointedly. "Time to focus."

"Right. Remember, boy, if you feel at any time like she's trying to get you to go to a certain spot or make a certain move, do the opposite."

Puck took a deep breath. "Okay. Do I get like, armor or anything?"

Aphrodite's thin eyebrows shot up. "You really think armor going to protect you from the goddess of warfare?"

"Um..."

"It'll just weigh you down. Here." She handed him a human-sized spear with a barbed tip. "There's your armor. Now get out there and kick my sister's divine ass."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: At LONG last, the combat! Enjoy.**

* * *

><p><em>It's All Greek To Me<em>

Despite the chilly breeze wafting over the football field, Puck's hands were already sweating as he gripped the shaft of his spear. The weapon looked like no more than a toothpick compared to the sixteen-foot goddess's spear, and he cast a nervous glance at where his girlfriend-in-goddess-form was perched atop one of the columns surrounding the arena. Poseidon was sitting idly on the column next to her. Puck hoped that they'd enforced his tiny spear with some sort of divine protection to keep it from snapping in two when Athena tried to stab him. Movement to Puck's right caught his eye, and he spotted Eris leaning against Apollo's pillar, her eyes glinting in the shadow of the column as they rapidly changed color in her eager anticipation of the fight. Puck had a feeling that she really didn't give a satyr's ass whether he won or Athena did.

Feeling awfully exposed, he watched as the handful of other minor gods and goddesses grouped around the arena parted to allow another giant through – Puck couldn't help but blanche when he recognized Lauren's father, Zach. Or Zeus, rather. He'd thought that the other Olympians were big, but Zeus stood at a staggering eighteen feet, at the least, with muscles that made Ares look no broader than a broom handle, and small-ish bolts of electricity jumping between his fingers constantly. Puck then realized why it was taking so long for the fight to begin – no event like this could start without Zeus's say-so. Even gods had to wait for their King.

As Zeus made himself comfortable on the column seat reserved for him, the stormy sky overhead rumbled as if it was greeting him. Puck felt a few raindrops land on his head and exposed arms, and he tried to remember the techniques for water and earth manipulation that he'd practiced the day before. He could still feel a light crackle in his veins from Poseidon's powers, but it didn't make him feel any safer with Athena smirking at him from across the arena.

Nervously, Puck flexed his fingers at his sides, glancing at Lauren/Aphrodite in the hopes of receiving some sort of reassuring gesture. Instead, she only quirked an eyebrow at him expectantly, and he decided right then and there that if he was going to end up in the Underworld, he was going to train Cerberus to bite Aphrodite's ass off.

"Begin," said Zeus, sounding bored.

The order caught Puck off-guard, and it took him a moment to realize that Athena's spear was suddenly hurtling through the air straight for him. His reflexes kicked in just in time as he slid forward, allowing the tip of the spear to fly just over his head and embed itself in the foot of the column behind him. Persephone, who had up until then been idly twirling her hair around her finger and not paying attention to the goings-on inside the ring, yelped and steadied herself, snapping, "Watch it, Wise-Owl!"

Puck scrambled to his feet, keeping an iron grip on his own spear as Athena grinned. They tensely circled around each other, Athena smiling all the while as she spun her shield, making a show of saying she didn't take him seriously. Annoyed, Puck said the first thing that came to mind.

"…You really need a shield against a guy as tall as your knee?"

Athena's grin vanished, and her jaw clenched. The rest of the spectators laughed lightly, enjoying the jab at their sister. Eris was on the sidelines, jumping from foot to foot, cackling and clapping her hands at Puck's joke.

Athena's eyes flared, and she flung the shield out of the ring, making several of her minor relatives leap out of the way. "You would do well not to provoke me, boy," she said lowly, her eyes beginning to glow an icy bluish-grey.

"I didn't think a mortal could provoke you," Puck retorted, not really sure why he was goading her when his heart was skipping every other beat.

More chuckles from the audience, and Athena's eyes flashed again. The air rippled around her. She yanked her spear out of Persephone's column with enough force to tilt it, making Persephone shriek indignantly a second time.

"Squish him like a bug!" Puck heard Artemis cheer, and felt an urge to punch her despite the fact that he couldn't reach above her waistline, at the most. He made a mental note to do so as soon as she changed back into her human form.

Athena's smirk was back. "Come on, boy. Make your move."

"Ladies first," he sneered.

"Charmed."

Puck spotted the spear tip sweeping along the ground towards his legs just in time to jump over it, but he wasn't expecting Athena to whip her arm back again, allowing the spear shaft to crash into Puck's legs and flip him violently onto his back. He coughed and spit bits of grass and dirt out of his mouth, pushing himself up again. That was definitely going to leave a bruise.

"You see, boy?" Athena said smoothly. "You're no match for an Olympian."

"It's still early," Puck replied waspishly, flipping his spear to his other hand. He knew she was toying with him; another way of saying she didn't take him seriously. She circled around the outer edge of the ring again, making Puck move in the opposite direction to stay out of her reach. A little red flag popped up in the back of his mind, though, and he remembered what Poseidon had said just before the fight: _If you feel at any time like she's trying to get you to go to a certain spot or make a certain move, do the opposite._

Going against his instincts, Puck stopped and moved towards the center of the ring. Athena stopped as well, frowning at him in confusion for a split second before the expression faded. "That's not really an advantageous position, boy," Athena advised sagely.

"Neither is being up against the wall," Puck snapped. "And is there a reason you're staying away from me? Afraid I'm going to jab your toe?" He flashed a cocky grin at her. He knew that he couldn't fight her with any semblance of combat strategy he could come up with, but he was becoming more and more confident in his ability to rile her up enough so that she'd make a mistake.

There were a few low "oo-oohs" from Ares, Apollo, and several of the minors, and Athena glared at Puck for a moment.

…And then attacked.

In only the blink of an eye, Puck was pinned to the ground with the butt of Athena's spear, which was almost as wide as his chest and pressing down with so much weight that he was sure his ribs were cracking.

"_You insubordinate cockroach!_" Athena roared, her voice rumbling out of the cavern of her throat. The skin around her eyes darkened, making her eyes flare even brighter.

"Crush him!" Artemis yelled again.

Eris cackled and spun round in an excited circle, her hair spiking up of its own accord.

Thunder cracked through the darkening clouds overhead, and as the rain began to shower the arena, Puck felt the energy in his veins intensify. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to forget the spectators and concentrate solely on Athena's seething face.

Athena suddenly bellowed in pain as she was pelted with boiling rain, the water leaving scald marks up and down her arms. The butt of her spear remained where it was, however, and Puck adjusted his concentration so that she was abruptly caught in a whirlwind of hailstones. The chunks of ice clanked against her helmet and tore small holes in her clothing, doing no real damage but giving Athena just enough of a painful distraction to make her forget about pinning her opponent down.

The moment her spear lifted a few inches, Puck rolled out of the way as Athena shrieked and batted at the attacking ice chunks. He heard Ares whoop in excitement from atop his pillar. "Go, little man, go!" shouted the war god cheerily.

"_Ares, I'm going to shove you into a vase and leave you there for a thousand years, you moronic brute!_" Athena yelled from inside the ice tornado.

Puck wasn't an expert with his new abilities, however, and his concentration only lasted a few more seconds before the hailstones flew out of their previous path and scattered across the arena, leaving a slightly dizzy and absolutely _livid_ goddess in their wake. She didn't waste any time before lunging at Puck with her spear, swearing to Mount Olympus that she was going to feed him to her pet tarantulas when she was done with him.

Puck barely managed to jump to the left, the barb of her spear slicing through the skin on his shoulder. He hissed through his teeth at the fresh sting, but brought his concentration back to the arena. Gripping his spear as Athena brought her own back into position for a second strike, he lifted it over his head and stabbed it into the ground at his feet with as much strength as he could muster. The dirt split open, tearing a long crack through the grass that widened and widened until it went right under Athena's feet. She stumbled and tried to keep her balance, but the earth pulled apart so abruptly that she sank into the hole up to her neck, screeching furiously.

Quickly, Puck yanked the crack shut again before Athena had a chance to pull herself out, sealing her into the ground so that only her head was exposed.

"You cheating imbecile!" she yelled. "I want a rematch!"

Puck grinned as he approached her. "This match isn't over yet," he smirked. "You still have the chance to beat me."

She snarled and squirmed against the walls of her tiny prison, the skin around her eyes darkening again.

"Oh, wait, I forgot…" Puck said lightly, making it clear that _he_ didn't take _her_ seriously. "You're the goddess of arts and crafts, not earth. I'm sure you can get some help from Hephaestus or Poseidon. …Maybe." He reached around her ears and grabbed the rims of her gigantic helmet, lifting it off of her head. Ignoring her loud protests, he tossed it to the side, letting it roll to a stop on the grass with its plume limply dragging in the wet dirt.

"Okay, _now_ it's over."

There was a long moment of shocked silence, and then the minor gods erupted into cheers. Aphrodite jumped down from her seat, laughing as she ran towards him, shrinking into her human form as she went. Poseidon also came over to congratulate Puck, clapping him on the back hard enough to make Puck's ribs hurt. "Excellent show, boy!" Lauren's uncle chuckled.

Puck felt even more energetic now than he had before or during the fight. He was giddy with his victory, not having fully absorbed the fact that he – a mortal Lima loser – had kicked an ancient goddess's butt. Ares was looming over him but sending Puck an odd look of approval. Apollo had shrunk back into Paul in order to give Puck a high five without hurting him, and his twin sister was back in the arena, helping Persephone try to pull a _very_ pissed-off Athena out of the ground.

"Oh, and now that you don't need them any more," Poseidon said, aiming his trident at Puck's head. "I'll be having my powers back, thank you."

Puck suddenly felt as if his veins were being ripped out of his body, and he went rigid for a split second before falling backwards onto the wet ground with a _thud_.

"…Did he just pass out?" Paul said, peering down at the mortal in their midst.

Poseidon nodded. "I believe he did." He clicked his tongue. "Humans."

Lauren rolled her eyes at her uncle and knelt down to pull her unconscious boyfriend onto his feet again. Puck's head lolled to the side, but his eyes opened groggily and he managed a garbled, "Whaa?"

"Come on, Puckerman, stand up," Lauren chided. "We've gotta get some food in you before you collapse like a girl again."

"Denny's 'gain?" Puck slurred hopefully, trying to maintain his balance, but failing miserably.

Lauren laughed. "How about Breadsticks? My treat."

END

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hope you liked this. Leave a review and let me know what you think :)**


End file.
